The Pain of Infertility and Our Journey to become Parents begins...

Hello, my name is Amy. My husband an I were married on Sept. 22, 2007. That day was the best day of my life. We never thought that expanding our family would be hard, we figured that when you start trying you become pregnant you will become pregnant. One year after our marriage we decided it was time to have children. We thought "By next year we will have a beautiful child to hold in our arms". Sadly, that is not the case. Over 6 million couples in the US are currently suffering with fetility problems.
Infertility, how I HATE this word! It has caused so much heart ache and pain in my life! I feel like a piece of my soul is missing and only a child to hold in my arms can ever fill that hole. I will admit that it is hard to see other pregnant women, or little children with their moms. Seeing this reminds me of what me and my husband may never have. It may sound ridiculous to you, you may be thinking I am acting like a baby myself. You are entilited to your own opinion, but I can tell you that this pain is VERY real! It has caused me depression with nights of tears that fall uncontrolably. The pain starts to feel unbearable. I start to think... Why has God forgotten about us?, What sin did I commit to have my womb be barren?, Will I ever hear the words I Love You Mom?. I feel this pain and these questions on a daily basis. However I do know that God has not forgotten about us. I know that God is with me and that He has the most amazing plan for my life. I have finally come to terms that I have to live by God's will and be patient, and this is what I continue to do everyday.

We started seeing an reproductive endocronlogist the summer of 2010. After many tests and being probed non stop we were diagnosed with "Unexplained Infertility". So basically the doctors can not find a reason why we are unable to concieve. This diagnosis is so hard because none of our questions are answered.
In Oct. 2010 we started our medictaions to have our first IUI. This is when they stimulate my ovaries to produce 2-3 healthy eggs. They then give me a shot to make me ovulate, and 36hrs later my husbands sperm is inserted into my uterus. IUI has to be timed perfectly with ovulation or else it will be unsuccessful. Two weeks after our IUI I recieved the call that we were not pregnant. I lost it. I cried my heart and soul out. I grieved for the child that would not be. It was the worst pain in my life.
I am now on day 3 in my 2 week wait for IUI #2. We started our medications in early Dec. 2010. I produced 3 great follicles (eggs) that were 20mm, 17mm, & 16mm. These follicles are more mature and bigger than my first IUI. I started reading Hannah's Hope and started meditation with positive affirmations. I also started acupuncture. Acupuncture has helped me so much! This time around everything feels different. I am filled with hope! I do feel that it is our time to get that positive pregnancy test! All I can do is pray that is our time. The rest is up to my body and God.
No matter what my husband and I are a family! Once you are married, you become a family. Children are not needed to be considered a family. Most people do not believe this to be true and that also hurts me. The bible says that children are blessing. They are not gaurenteed. Deep down I do feel that I will get to hold our child in our arms, I have complete Faith that I will hear "I love you Mom". I believe in this with all my heart and soul! We will find out on January 3, 2011 if we are pregnant. My prayers continue to be that we will recieve the most amazing Christmas present ever, pregnancy!