2 Week Wait for Final IUI (#4)

I am now 4dpIUI. The hardest part of fertility treatments is the 2ww. Your mind goes back and fourth, I am pregnant to No, it didnt work. It is so exhausting! The 2 weeks seem to go by so slow. I analyze every single symptom that I have. I am so anxious with this IUI because it is our final try. I am really afraid to hear your Beta was negative. If we are unsuccessful this means I have to have surgery and then move onto IVF.
IVF costs about 12,000.00 a try and you only have a 30% to 40% chance of it working. It makes me so mad that insurance does not cover any of this! Infertiltiy is a very debilitating disease, it should be treated as one! My mind never stops... How will we afford IVF? If we ask for donations for our cause will people even help us? What if it does not work and we may have to live childless for the rest of our lives? These thoughts haunt me every single day! I can not even imagine living the rest of my life without being a Mommy. Tears come to my eyes instantly at the thought. God, this is so hard!

I am trying to be completely positive this cycle. This is the Best cycle I have ever had! I am so excited yet so afraid. I bought special visulazation meditation CD's to listen to every day. For the first time in over 2 years I am allowing myself to be hopeful. In my mind I AM pregnant! I WILL have a positive pregnancy test! We are recieving our Miracle! So right now I have one or two Sweet Pea's (embryo's) growing in my tubes. They are growing hunderds and thousands of cells. They are dividing and becoming strong. My Sweet Pea will implant into my uterus! We are pregnant! This is my everyday thought process. I will find out the results 4 days before my 29th birthday. Oh what an amazing birthday present this will be! April 8, 2011 will be the best day of our lives!
I have complete Faith and I Believe!